Is This Too Much To Ask?

Dear Santa,

This year for Christmas, I would like...

A smaller ass; size 6, please
and smokin' hot protruding knees.
Ones with the bone that sicks out a bit
Rather than resembling two arm pits.

I want my hair to stop its games
Of frizzing the fuck out when it rains.
I get teased when I wear my hat
In a desperate effort to keep my hair flat.

I want stupid people every where
To get the hell out of my hair.
I am tired of bull shit left and right
Santa, please get them out of my sight.

I want the politically correctors to stop preachin'
While I exercise my US right to free speechin'.
If they can't handle all the words I say
Santa, remind them to just walk away.

I want to finish my damn tattoos
Without giving a shit about people's views.
The ink is forever.  I know!  I'm aware!
At least I have fun with the skin that I bare!

I want a certain girl to know all too well
That the shit she is full of is starting to smell
And if she thinks she is pulling one over on me
I want her to realize I am smarter than she.

I want the CVS people to get my meds right
So I don't have to be in pain day and night.
It is a constant reminder to me that I'm sick
When my meds are messed up by the pharmacy prick.

I want my dogs to stop barking at every damn sound
Before I dump them off at the pound.
I want the boy dog to stop lapping his crotch
As if it was a bottle of extremely good scotch.

I want my kids to pick up after themselves
And know the house doesn't get cleaned by your elves.
And Santa, if it is not too much to mention
I'd like my son's teachers to stop threatening detention.

I know tis the season to be jolly
And for the most part, I am, by golly
But is seems there are things all over the place
That make me want to punch people in the face.

So Santa, if you can bring me this stuff
I will be one happy person soon enough.
If this is too much for you to acquire
Then maybe it's time for you to retire.

Sincerely,
Nicki