Attention People With Opinions!

My writer's block is pissing me off!  In fact, I just deleted like 100 words before I got that first sentence out!  Usually when I have writer's block, I nose around some of the blogs I love and it gives me inspiration.  It's not that I want to copy anyone but sometimes, someone writes about something that strikes a cord with me and it inspires me to write about it as well, only with my own spin on the subject.

Today, I visited a blog that I am newly following called Nicole is Better.  Here, she posted about people giving their opinions about her decision to quit drinking and her weight loss and it made me think about my body building days among other times when people just don't know when the hell to keep their opinions to themselves!  Don't get me wrong, I love that people HAVE opinions but there is a difference between giving your input when it is appreciated by the receiver and just blabbing your mouth simply because you think you are the expert in whatever topic happens to be discussed at the time.  What I hate most is when those "experts" have never experienced a similar situation.  How could they have a clue at all and what the hell makes them believe that they should be telling others how to behave or feel?

I do have a bit of an inner conflict about this because as you know, I am studying to become a mental health counselor and although I will refrain from giving advice, there will be times when it will be warranted.  However, the advice will be given to people who are seeking the advice and that is the difference.  Anyone who knows me personally will tell you that I DO have opinions.  I have incredibly strong opinions and at times, I share those opinions at the top of my lungs but they will also tell you that I rarely give advice and that I only share my opinions when 1) they are asked of me or 2) when keeping my mouth shut causes me to reach for my Xanax.  What I really can't stand is when people share their opinions without thinking about the hurt they are causing.  Some people are just idiots and I know, you can't fix stupid!

Ever since I was young, I struggled with my weight.  When I became a volunteer EMT and enrolled in my firefighting class, I was quite large.  Of course, everyone had opinions about my weight and advice as to how I could lose it.  I finally decided that enough was enough.  My eating was out of control and I had to do something.  I joined a gym and because I had been discouraged so much in the past about losing weight, I decided that my goal wasn't to lose any weight at all.  My goal was to increase my endurance and my upper body strength so that I could survive wearing the extra 50 pounds that the turnout gear and air pack would add to my already hard-to-lug-around body.  I joined a gym and amazingly, the pounds seem to melt away once I became totally dedicated.  It wasn't easy at all.  I did a one hour weight workout then did cardio for at least 40 minutes following the weights.  I did this 5-6 days/week. 

After losing 40 pounds, my trainer told me that I should do a body building competition.  I laughed at him.  I had been a fatty my whole life!  Why on earth would I ever consider myself to be a body builder?  But I started to consider it and I accepted the challenge and that is when the workouts and dieting became insanely intense.  I still had 20 pounds to lose after already losing 40!  I trained hardcore for 16 weeks.  I got down to 104 pounds and 8% body fat.  I was miserable but I loved that I achieved my goal!  I competed and placed second!  It was during this time when I realized that people are sometimes assholes.  I heard all sorts of opinions and received so much unsolicited advice!

You are losing so much weight!  This isn't healthy!
What are you doing to yourself??
You are anorexic!  
You are starving yourself!
A little body fat won't hurt you!
Why are you so obsessed?
You need to see a counselor!
Is this worth all you are putting yourself through?
Are you sure you are not taking steroids?
EAT SOMETHING!


First of all, I wasn't anorexic.  I ate 6 meals/day and kept them down.  Saturdays were my "cheat days" and I ate everything under the sun from the moment I woke up until the time I went to bed.  A "little body fat" WOULD HURT MY COMPETITION!  I was obsessed because how my body looked on a stage with lights shining on me in a 2 piece posing suit that would barely fit a Barbie doll WAS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERED TO THE JUDGES!  If I didn't feel it was worth it, I wouldn't be doing it!  I was NOT taking steroids.  It was an all natural competition and anyone caught using steroids in the past 7 years (via lie detector) was disqualified.  I was proud of myself!  I achieved something huge and everyone under the sun just kept bringing me down.  As hard as it was to watch my kids eat macaroni and cheese and throw away the leftovers while I drooled on the sidelines and as hard as it was to get my ass out of bed for an hour cardio every morning at 5am then go back to the gym for a 2 hour weight workout 6 days/week, the worst part was listening to everyone's 2 cents!

Everywhere you turn, there is an "expert."  People who never had kids are giving pregnant moms and new parents advice.  People who have kids but have never experienced what other parents are going through give advice.  People who have never had a child of theirs die are telling other people how to grieve the loss of their  child.  People who have never had their mom die are saying, "I know how you feel."  Bullshit!

NOBODY KNOWS HOW ANYONE FEELS!  Even if 2 people experienced the same situation, those 2 people will never know how the other one feels.  My sister, brother, and I all lost the same mother!  Neither of us know how the other one feels because each of us had a different type of relationship with our mom.  Each of us have our own happy times to remember and our own guilt and regrets to work through.

It is time people realize some very important things about people.  Number one, for the most part, we know what is best for ourselves.  What is best for me may not be best for you but you are not me.  Who the hell are you to judge me or anyone else for that matter?  Number two, people make mistakes and THAT IS OKAY!  I want to make my own mistakes because that is how I learn! If you protect me from making mistakes (and who gets to decided if it is a mistake or not?  Me!), how will I ever figure out life for myself?  Number three, people in general HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO SURVIVE AND TO MEND!  Let me grieve.  Let me ponder.  Let me fall and don't you dare try to imply that I can't get back up on my own without your help!  Number four, BE AVAILABLE BUT NOT PUSHY!  When I need you, I WILL ask for your help.  When I want your advice, I WILL ask for it.  When I am circling the drain, I will ask you to throw me a rope and save me.  But until I ask for those things, simply let me know that you are there for me when I am ready to accept your help.  And THAT is my advice to you.