If You Give A Mom A Phone Call

Inspired by Creative Kristi and Mama's Losin' It's Writing Workshop.  Also inspired by the wonderful men and women who have driven me over the edge at my son's school.

If you give a mom a phone call to tell her that her son is a pain in the ass
She is going to want a valid reason to go with it.
When you give the reason that "he needs to respect adults" and "he displays his anger"
The mother will get pissed off that her son isn't entitled to being human and having opinions.
When the mother gets pissed off, she will flip out on you on the phone and want to come to the school to rip your face off.
When she rips your face off, you will need to call for an ambulance.
You will have your co-workers call 911and the fire department will be dispatched
When the fire dept is dispatched, my pager will go off
When my pager goes off, I will get on the ambulance to help the person in need
When I see that my patient is the person whose face I ripped off, I will have to call for a different medic to the scene because of the conflict of interest
You will have to wait longer for another medic to come to help you
While you are waiting for another medic to help you, I will start treating you anyway
After I treat you at the scene, you will go to the hospital
After your long stay at the hospital, you will finally be well enough to work again.
When you get back to work, my son will still be in your class and will still have opinions and may say something like, "my mom can beat up your mom...and you."
You will consider this to be disrespectful and you will call me.
And we all know that when you give a mom a phone call....

To Hold You Over....

I know I have been a sucky blogger and my only excuse is that I have lost interest in it for a bit.  But I saw this and HAD to share it because it is hysterical...and I have added the other pics of my latest ink.  I promise I will get on here more once I can get my head on straight!  I do miss you all!!!

Too hysterical to not share!

Here is the finished left arm...

And the outline of the right...

I think I am done with tattoos after this one!!!  =)))  Hope you are all doing well!!

Why We Are In Business

I think our ambulance siren should be replaced with the Vonage Theme Song.

It Is MY New Year's Resolution!

My Daughter:  "My New Year's resolution is to eat slower because I always shove the food in my mouth too fast."

Me:  "That is good.  My New Year's resolution is to make healthier choices."

Daughter:  "Is that why you didn't have an appetizer or a bread stick?"

Me:  "Yup."

Husband:  "You can't have a vague New Year's resolution.  You need to be more specific."

Me:  "I'll have whatever the fuck resolution I want.  What is yours?"

Husband:  "I don't have one."

Me:  "Then shut up."

A Repost of My 2010 Christmas Gift to You

I posted this last year for Christmas and got some really awesome responses from it...mostly from my friends that I know in person but also some really good blog comments.  So...I am RE-gifting it this year because I am a cheap bitch!!

If any of you DID try it and it came out different than you hoped, please let me know!  Hell, let me know if it came out good too!!  It is hard for me to put measurements on recipes for people because I don't measure anything when I cook...I eyeball it which is why I can't bake for shit...unless it is a lasagna!  I mean, I COULD tell you, "Add just enough pepper so that your husband will still like it and your son will be completely annoyed and you feel like you MIGHT sneeze but you don't actually."  But I am not sure how the sauce would taste because that amount of pepper may be different for you than it is for me.  Especially if you have a daughter instead of a son, no kids, or you are not married.

At any rate, enjoy and please let me know how it comes out!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Not to brag much or anything but I do make the best sauce in the world. Just sayin'. So, for Christmas, I am sharing my recipe with you. I hope you enjoy it!

You will need:

1 lb. ground beef (I use 90% lean. 95% makes the meatballs too tough).
1 lb. mild Italian pork sausage
1 lb. pork
Extra virgin olive oil
3 cloves fresh garlic
2 eggs
about a cup of seasoned bread crumbs
one small yellow onion
Tablespoon of Italian seasoning
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
crushed red pepper
2 bay leaves
about 1/4 cup of grated Romano cheese
about 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
5 large cans of tomato sauce (not jars of premade sauce like Prego...just plain sauce).
1 can of tomato paste

Mix Meatballs:

Mix together the ground beef, eggs, bread crumbs, cheese and some red and black pepper in a large bowl.
Form into balls about the size of your palm

Brown All Meat:

Put some olive oil in a large frying pan and add the cut fresh garlic and diced onion. Allow it to brown a little but don't burn the garlic or it will get bitter.
Add meatballs. Gently turn them with a spoon when brown to brown all sides. Set aside on a plate and brown the sausage and cut up pork (remove as much fat from pork as possible).

Deglaze the frying pan:

Most important for yummy sauce!!!
Add a few tablespoons of water to the frying pan when you are done browning the meat. Cook on high until some of the water evaporates and all the yummy stuff is not stuck to the bottom of the pan anymore.

Sauce:

Put the sauce, paste, Italian seasonings, some black pepper, and the bay leaves in a large sauce pan. Add the meat to the sauce once it is brown and the meatballs have cooled a bit. Add the contents of the frying pan (after deglazing the pan). Cook on low with the lid on sideways or vented if you have a vent on your lid. Cook for at least 2 hours on low, stirring often. (It is done when you can cut the sausage with the side of a fork). About an hour into cooking the sauce, add the baking powder and stir lightly. The sauce will bubble and turn brownish on top. It is supposed to do that! This gets some of the acid out of the sauce without having to use sugar which makes the sauce too sweet in my opinion!

Do not salt the sauce while cooking!!! The cheese in the meatballs, the sausage, pork and baking soda will all add salt to the sauce.

Note: Sauce always tastes better reheated so if you have time, cook it a day before you will be eating it then reheat it on low.

Enjoy!!!

Love Letter

NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED SO AS NOT TO GET A TON OF GRIEF FROM THE SCHOOL BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT WHEN I GET GRIEF, I GIVE IT BACK!!

Dear Mrs. Vice Principal who is NOT my son's Vice Principal,

I just want to follow up to the conversation we had on the phone today.  My husband, Chandler, and I talked and we all agree that this was a minor issue that did not necessitate a phone call.  I understand that your reason for calling was to keep us informed of the fact that a conversation took place and I can respect that many parents may appreciate such phone calls whenever there is a situation.  My husband and I both feel that this was a minor incident that was dealt with and the result was Chandler saying that he would indeed use tongs for his rolls in the future, which really was the end goal.  We do not feel that minor incidents such as these that end with my son agreeing to cooperate in the future require a phone call.  We have complete trust that if something serious were to happen, we would be notified by Mr. Vice Principal who IS my son's Vice Principal (or his fill-in if he is absent from work) and/or Chandler.  Chandler is very open with us and understands that he does not need to keep things from us.  He has always been forthcoming when he is spoken to in school and if we feel he needs disciplinary action, we thank him for his honesty and discipline accordingly.

We have had several conversations with Mr. Vice Principal who IS my son's Vice Principal this year and we are very pleased with the relationship he has with us as well as with Chandler.  For this reason and because Mr. Vice Principal who IS my son's Vice Principal is the Vice Principal responsible for Chandler, we are requesting that should you have any DISCIPLINARY concerns with Chandler in the future, you refer them to Mr. Vice Principal who IS my son's Vice Principal so that he can address us if he feels it is necessary.  However, if you have any true emergencies, where he is sick or injured, a call to my cell phone would certainly be warrented. 

Thanks so much and I hope you have a nice day.

She never replied.  Hmmm...maybe she is waiting to send the reply with my Christmas Gift!

Why I Don't Sleep In Anymore

I woke up at 7 this morning and started to get up but I was too tired and decided I deserved to sleep longer.  At 7:30, I went through the same routine and when 8:30 rolled around, I said to myself, "Your kids are at school, you are on an extended break from school and you are comfortable in this bed so why the hell get up?  Enjoy!!!" At 9:30, I bolted out of bed and had an overwhelming urge to get downstairs.  The front door was wide open and the house was about 55 degrees as a result and there was dog puke all over the carpet.  Serves me right.